Oh how I am beginning to savor these fleeting moments out of him.
I have never been 'that mom' that taught her kids to self soothe. I just couldn't. Didn't have it in me. Jackson was a very hard baby. Really hard. He never slept longer than 3 hours at a time for the first year and 1/2 of his life and even still, only totally sleeps through the night in his own bed about 30% of the time. Maybe if I would have just let him scream himself to sleep early on like everyone in the universe encouraged me to do, we would be in a different boat, but dare I say, maybe not. I feel like I can honestly say that because I have done NOTHING different with kid #2 and since about the 6-7 month window, Levi sleeps 10-12 hours at night, in his own bed, every night.... and, get this, I rock him to sleep every night. *gasp!*
(For the record, It is GLORIOUS! )
Dare I say that SOME kids just are just better sleepers than others. Levi just has a different temperament. Even as a colicky infant, he was a pretty good sleeper. He always went 5 hours the first stretch of time from the moment we brought him home. Even when I nursed him. And even when his colic got the worst.
I have watched him on our fancy monitor wake up, roll himself over, bat his eyes, and drift back off to sleep. I have NEVER let the kid scream himself to sleep. I have always responded to his cries. I am just that mom. Totally my choice. Not yours, I get that. But mine. And Levi has done it all on his own.
However, interestingly enough, what used to feel like 'work' to me of having to rock Jackson to sleep every night, over and over again, I find myself savoring, as these moments are starting to become a distant memory. Tonight, as I sat and rocked my two year old who was falling off my lap because he is just getting too big, I found myself holding him a bit tighter and not wanting to lay him down as he drifted off to sleep. Lets face it, as much as it soothes him it nourishes me too. And the older he gets, the more independent he gets, the more I miss the art of rocking him to sleep. And yes, its art. Its hard mothering art.
There were many nights I sat with a grumpy heart thinking of a zillion other things I needed to be doing rather than rocking my kid to sleep that wasn't going to sleep long anyways. Many nights I lost my cool as a mom. Many nights I fell asleep at 8 o clock in the rocking chair because I was so exhausted from the sleep depravation I was experiencing, my body just couldn't handle it anymore. Especially when I was pregnant, working 40 hours a week, and only getting two hour naps night after night.
But for the most part, most nights, I spent a lot of time rocking and praying over him. Praying for God to just let his body rest. Praying over his little mind. For him to settle. Pleading with God for that magic, "Dear God let this kid sleep longer than three hours so I can get some sleep" request. Praying for his future. Praying for his heart to love Jesus. Praying deep mama prayers. My moments.
As I have watched him grow older and get better at wanting to do the sleep thing for himself; becoming more independent in his own skin and less in his mamas arms, I find myself secretly missing those moments. Its funny to me.
So with all that said, tonight I had these thoughts popping around in my head as I sat there rocking him and I just want to take a moment to encourage 'moms' or 'mommies to be' with something. Don't spend so much time judging each others 'methods' that we fail to look for the moments with our kids that are "our times". Lets not impose our parenting methods on each other because it worked for us in the name of 'good parenting' rather than encouraging one another through the hard mama moments. Lets start saying, "your his/her mom. God gave you what you need to do this", you know what to do. I wish I had heard that with Jackson. But sadly, it was few and far in-between that encouraged me that way.
As I have matured a bit as a mother, I realize now that rocking my kids to sleep; not teaching them to 'self soothe', has been 'my time' with them. My special mama moments. Moments I will never get back. Moments I will remember, good and bad, that are forever etched on my heart. My moments with them that I chose because I knew in my heart, this is what I needed to do for them.
But I spent a lot of Jacksons infancy feeling like I was doing something wrong. Living under the 'guilt' of simple encouragement or advice from others, that I lost sight of some of those times. So what changed?
Lets just say that having baby #2 has changed my confidence as a mom to better understand my own inner mama methods and stand firm on them. TO have confidence in them. Especially because I not only experienced having two under two, I had two under two and a second baby with colic. That was hard. But so so good for me as it grew my weak, insecure and tired mama heart into a strong confidence that I never would have known if I didn't go through such a dark time. Seems backwards to have to gain mothering confidence that way, but that is what God did for me through it.
My inner mama got strong. Really strong. Bold in fact.
So let me just say this. You choose to teach your kid to self soothe, more power to ya. You have other moments in your day that I am sure you find great joy in as a mom. You choose to nurse, more power to ya. I chose to nurse, then gave it up when it got too hard for me to manage and once again bottle/formula fed baby #2 and guess what? My kids are NORMAL! Go figure eh? They are smart, and growing and healthy....totally off of store bought, factory made, formula. WHOA! stop it right?
Yes mommies, stop it. Stop it! Stop the whole teach your kid to self soothe or your child will never have normal sleep patterns nonsense. Stop the whole, if you don't nurse your kid your child will get cancer at an early age, have horrible allergies, and never be able to have a normal immunity. Stop the whole, home school vs public school vs christian school debates. Stop the whole SAHM vs Working Mom garbage. Stop it.
Lets empower each other in our individual choices first rather than lending our parenting how to's to each other. Lets encourage each other to stand on our inner God given mothering instincts for each one of our kids...because each one of your kids will be different. Its ok to do things different for kid #1 than you do for kid #2. Its ok. Ok for you to make choices for your kids without scrutiny from others.
I have many friends and aquantinces on FB that are just getting ready to start on their parenting journey. Many who just had their first. Some who are having their 2nd or 3rd or 4th. Some who are just now parenting kids who are older. And I guess I am writing this to say, if you hear ONE positive word of advice from a mom, may it be this: You are strong. You are a good mom. You will be a awesome mom. You know what it takes to help your child grow.
On the flip side: You will fail as a parent. You will do things as a parent you swear you never would have before you had kids. Deal with it. Admit it. Celebrate it. You are normal. Your kids will be ok. You will be ok.
Enjoy them. Enjoy the good times and learn from the hard times. And know that you are loved by God. He gave your kids to you. You are loved by me. I don't care if you attachment parent, choose to leave your kid in daycare, or let your kid scream till they fall asleep. As long as you are standing on your parent gut in your decision making, then I can love you through it with , "atta girl. You are an AWESOME mom and doing an AWESOME job".
I realize this blog is all over the place and a bit random, but I want other moms to know how much it doesn't matter which path, method, or strategy you choose to parent your kid down. What matters is that you listen to your God given mama heart for your kids and choose wisely. Its gonna get hard. You will question yourself over and over and over again. Its ok. Use it as a check and balance, then move on. Learn to savor your mama moments with your kids. Whatever that looks like for you.
If you ever need someone to encourage you, I promise I will. I will pray with you. I will share my deepest parenting yuck with you and my greatest parenting highs. Just know that this mom is on your side. I promise to be a safe place. I promise to love you.
And if you are having a really hard time, I have perfected the art of 'rocking to sleep' even the most restless of hearts. That is, if you still fit on my lap. ;-)
