We were supposed to be at the hospital by 9am Wed morning August 1st. I slept pretty good the night before considering what was ahead of us. Waking up that morning and leaving the house with the carseat and diaper bag in hand was very VERY surreal.
But I was ready. So ready. Little man was lodged SO far up
near my ribcage that breathing was a very hard thing to do. I was constantly
uncomfortable. My back hurt, my legs hurt, I couldn’t sleep well….even eating
was difficult. I was SO ready to get that child out of me.
We dropped off Roxy at my brother and sister-in-laws house
and made our way to the hospital. We were both a bit anxious. Me especially. I
knew I was about to have a major abdominal surgery, that I would be awake for
and in the process gain a small human creature that I was to feed (from my
body) and take care of the rest of my life….not scary at all. (pfsht! Yeah
right)
I have to say the NICE thing about a scheduled C-section was
taking our time that morning getting to the hospital, leisurely checking in and
being ushered back to a small curtained pre-op waiting area without any drama
of my water breaking or contractions. The BAD thing about a scheduled C-section
is the BIG possibility of your surgery being bumped by someone who WAS having a
dramatic moment getting their baby out….so I was praying the whole time that
that wouldn’t be the case for us. I didn’t want to have to sit anxiously for
hours waiting my turn to get cut open. Just wanted to get in there and get on
with it.
I changed into my gown, rolled into the bed and we waiting
for the first (of many) nurse to come back and ‘prepare’ me. Blood Pressure
check, blood work, weight, heart rate, fetal monitor, a zillion questions….Then
the dreaded IV moment came. I think I was more nervous about the stupid IV than
I was the surgery. I have NOT had good experiences with IV’s going in thanks to
some really really hard to get veins.
Anyways, she claimed she found a ‘good one’ and could do it
with one stick. I was doubtful . BUT, well, to my surprise and delight, she
did. The only ‘painful’ part was the numbing shot. Felt like a really LARGE
self-inflicted bee sting that burned for a few seconds. Or at least that is
what she told me it would feel like. She lied. Because I personally think it
felt much worse…. Once that was in, we were left to wait some more. That nurse’s
job was done. Next would come the anesthesiologists, the L&D nurse and the
doctor shortly thereafter.
As we waited and waited, we thought that this would be the
appropriate time to finally pick out little man’s name. Officially. We had
pretty much decided upon Jackson being the first name. It was the middle name
we couldn’t decide on. We narrowed it down to two and then Wes said, “I have an
idea”. “If he weighs more than 7 lbs 5 oz it will be ____ and if he weighs
less, it will be ______” . For lack of
being able to make a decision at that point we decided to leave it up to our
little game. And it was Done. And kind of a fun way to go into it.
The curtain came open once again and we were quickly greeted
by three anesthesiologists: one doctor, one nurse and one nursing student. I
was told the student would be administering the spinal.
(*great, I thought…nothing like a needle with meds going
into your spinal put in by a student…*)
They proceeded to inform me, ever so gently, of all the
‘what ifs’ that could happen, but rarely do. My BP began to rise a bit at this
point and I was really feeling the nerves. Then, they left. And we waited some
more.
About 30 min later, we were met by the ‘baby nurse’ who
would take care of Jackson once he was out. Again, super sweet and ever so
gentle with me as she could tell I was REALLy REALLY getting nervous at this
point. Walked us through what they would do with him, and with me…asked a few
questions, gifted us with a receiving blanket. Then she left. And we waited
again.
The next nurse that came in was MY surgical nurse. Just to
check on me, walk me through what was about to happen and tell me she would
hold my hand the whole time. She also told us she would be our personal
photographer so Dad could just sit back and enjoy the show. She was awesome. Put me at ease instantly. She
threw a ‘surgical’ outfit Wes’s way and told him he needed to put it on when
they would take me back.
It was REAL to me all morning. But at that point, when I saw
Wes’s gown, it started to get REALLY REALLY real and my nerves were growing
from anxiousness to flat out scared at this point. Even Wes was growing
‘antsy’.
Everyone was ready. The Operating room was ready. We were
watching the clock. So far so good on staying on time. However, it was then
that I heard the nurse out at the
station say, “The doctor is on the L&D floor checking another patient who
is 9 cm dialed with her third baby….we may be a bit delayed”….My heart started
beating and I got disappointed as I was just ready to get on with it already.
But just as I started to freak out, the curtain flew open
and there was my doctor with an ultrasound machine. I was never so happy and
scared to see someone in my life. He checked to make sure little guy was still
breech which only took about two
seconds…and then said, “I need to run back to my patient who is ready to push
and catch a baby; be right back”.
“Seriously?”….
My heart dropped a little and I thought for sure I would be
bumped at that point and have to wait a few more hours before going back. But
literally within 15 min, before I could really get overly anxious, my nurse was
pulling the curtain in ready to walk me down to the operating room. And just like that, before I could say ‘baby’,
I was out of the bed and off we went. I looked back at Wes who was starting to
put his “operating room clothes” on and smiled. Here we go. We were told once
they got the spinal in and me prepared they would come get him. So thus began
our separation. Made me a little nervous I will admit. I wanted him to be the
one holding my hand through the needle going in my back. But now was a time I
had to suck it up, and be a big girl.
Walking into the operating room and seeing all the beeping
machines and staff and table was so surreal. I could feel my heart beat pump through my
chest at that point and I started getting shaky. A combination of nerves and
cold…operating rooms temps are kept like a meat locker and well, the hospital
gown does nothing for keeping body heat in. They had me sit on the table and began the process of hooking me up to a zillion machines. The anesthesiologists came in and began to prepare my back. My heart rate was rising rapidly and my nurse kept telling me to just relax and take some deep breathes. She asked me if some music would help calm me down. I told her yes. Anything would help at this point.
She put it on a Pandora station of Jack Johnson music which
was perfect. Because just as soon as the music came on, the moment came for the
needle to be placed in my back. And I was stinkin scared. I won’t lie. But the
music did indeed take my mind off things for just a moment because the song
that came on right at that time was Bob Marley’s “Everything is gonna be
alright”….Needless to say, I laughed a little. Felt like I was in a sick sick
musical. But it was ironically funny.
I could feel them wiping my back and preparing the area. I
held my breath waiting for the stick. I
kept thinking, “Ok, come on now…hurry up and do it already…I’m ready”…. “come
on….I’m ready already…stick me”…And as fast as I had those thoughts, before I knew it, they were all hastily laying
me down flat on my back on the table. It was in. And done. And I was ready. I
kid you not, it was less painful and quicker than the IV going in. I really
don’t even remember as much as a stick. That nursing student was good. REALLY
good!
Where was the easy button?
At that time, the rest of the 15 or so people proceeded to
enter the operating room including my doctor. They were laughing and high
fiving each other commenting on how the team that was gathered in there that
day was the ‘dream team’… “Um hello” I thought. “Just laying here on an
operating table waiting to have a kid ripped out of my abdomen. Could we focus
please?”
(I mean, I WAS grateful to hear that we had some seasoned
people in there but still…numbing medicine was in…times a wastin…chop chop!)
The curtain went up in front of me so I couldn’t see what
they were about to do to me (thank goodness)…as it did I began to feel oh so
nauseous….I felt it start in my toes and climb all the way up to my throat. I
quickly told the anesthesiologist I felt like I was going to throw up…and just
as I did, he shot something into my IV and quicker than I could say boo, and
the feeling was gone…And I was numb…and feeling good….really relaxed and really
good….oh man, really good. And warm all over.
Could I have some more of that happy juice please? Reckon it
was moonshine?
They kept testing my level of numbness and as soon as I
couldn’t feel them as much as touch me I heard the doctor say, “Ok, the first
incision has been made”…to which I thought, “Um,really? Cause I didn’t feel a
thing!”…”Wait, what about my husband? You gonna get him?” ….It was just as I
was about to ask about Wes that he and my nurse came walking through the door.
They paraded him right past my open belly and up to sit at my head. He said he
tried not to look but he did admit that it was next to impossible he saw my
insides. So now he can TRULY say he knows me…inside and out. (*Ha!)
He held my hand and I started to hold my breath. I could
hear the suctioning and feel the pulling…but no pain. Weirdest experience of my
life. Within about 5 min I heard the
doctor say, “Ok, here we go…he’ll be out in just a few seconds”… “Holy cow! For
real? We just started.
Next came a huge feeling of pressure release and bam….out he
came. Just like that all of a sudden a bloody screaming infant was held above
the curtain and I couldn’t believe I was staring at my son for the first time
ever. Tears welled up in our eyes and a huge grin came over my face. The first
few things uttered out of my mouth were, “Oh my gosh, he’s cute”, and “Yes, he
has hair”….(yeah, not vein or anything) 
Let me say to that comment that we had a running joke with
the doctor about ‘ugly infants’ and I had prepared myself….infants aren’t all
the time the picture of beauty right away. It takes them a bit of time to
adjust and I was just being realistic and honest.
But not Jackson. Perfect color and perfect features. He was
the most beautiful thing I had ever laid eyes on. They took Wes at that moment over to where Jackson was. (which was behind me and once again he had to walk past my open body on the operating table) He was the first to hold his hand. He was the first to say hi. It was such a sweet moment to watch. He even got to trim the cord.
I could hear them call out his weight: “7 lbs 8 oz!”….and
then Wes got to tell them his official name. I heard the nurse say, “Welcome to
the world Jackson Isaiah…welcome to the world”.
Oh, and remember the music? Well, as soon as Jackson came
out, the song “Somewhere over the rainbow” started playing. Yes my operating
room/birth experience was indeed a musical. One with a very happy ending.
After they finished weighing him and doing all the testing,
they bundled Jackson up like a little burrito and handed him to Wes. Wes then
brought him to my head and I was able to kiss his sweet face for the first
time. Love like I never knew pulsed through my body. Jackson had been screaming
the entire time until he was brought over to me. Just as I kissed him, his
crying subsided….and I was an instant mom. What a feeling.
I could hear the ‘kachink, kackink’ of the staples going in
my belly and I knew we were almost done. And sure enough, within about 5 min the curtain came down and I was
lifted onto a hospital bed. I was allowed, finally, to hold my son for the
first time. Jackson was unswaddled and placed inside my gown. His warm little wiggly body calmed right down
the minute our skin touched. My BP went down as well as my heart rate. We were
‘one’ again.
I was congratulated by all the staff as I was wheeled out of
the operating room and down the hall to recovery. Baby on my chest. Husband by
my side. We were a family. 
Our first few moments together were so sweet. We studied
every little part of Jackson’s body from his ears down to his toes. He was
perfect. We were in love.
I won’t go into as much detail about the rest of our time at
the hospital as my recovery was hard. From throwing up that night due to the
anesthesia, to severe gas pain from being opened up, to a painful incision, bad
reaction to a shot, fever, chills…ect. I went through the gamete.
But even with all of that, I look back now at that time as
some of the sweetest moments of our life. I would do it all again, times ten,
to get the sweet little guy I have now. I can’t imagine life without him.
Jackson Isaiah Waldorf. Jackson meaning “gracious gift from
God” and Isaiah meaning “salvation”….this little guy has a calling in life and
Wes and I have been gifted the opportunity to raise him to discover all that
God has in store for him. Big job. One that I don’t take lightly. I love our new little family and all that is before us.
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