Emilee Russell

There is so much on my heart at the moment that I truly don’t know where to begin this blog.

For those that are my friend on FB, I have been posting updates on a friend of mine whose daughter suddenly became very very ill while traveling to TX to go on vacation. From Beth’s posts Friday night till late yesterday afternoon, I have been logging on to FB following updates, praying my heart out, and pleading with God to heal sweet little 6 year old Emilee’s life. The answer came in a form that no parent ever wants God to answer. She is indeed healed now. Completely. And resting in His arms.

The story goes that Emilee was bit by a deer tic on Memorial Day. Like any average person that lives in the mountains and woods, you take the tic off and don’t worry too much about it. Common occurrence.

She became sick a few weeks later and Beth took her to the doctor for what they thought was just strep. While she did have to miss her kindergarten graduation, a dose of antibiotics was given and she was released to go on vacation. Needless to say, they never made it to their destination.

Her health rapidly went downhill and the doctors struggled to keep her systems from failing all while not fully knowing the cause. After having to recessate her once on Sunday, their last ditch effort was to transfer her to a larger hospital and begin doing some treatments that would hopefully give her little body the defense it needed to fight off whatever this was. The transfer was a success, the treatment was appearing to be working, and the doctor was able to confirm that she had contracted Rocky Mountain spotted fever from that tic bite.

As her body began to stabilize some, there was less and less movement coming from Emilee and they decided they needed to go in and do an MRI to check on the blood flow yesterday afternoon.

As FB blew up with people from all over praying for this family and waiting anxiously for the results, late in the afternoon my sweet friend finally wrote: “My precious girl is brain dead. We plan to take her off the vent in a few hours. Please pray for us in the upcoming days and weeks”.

Tears immediately began to sting my eyes and I felt a wave of nausea sweep over me. News no parent ever wants to hear. A decision that should never have to be made for a 6 year old.

I met Beth and Charlie at our last church. Beth sang in the choir and on the worship team with me for a long time. I remember her struggle to get pregnant. That is where her path and mine have intersected the last several years in a more intimate way as she ‘ministered’ to me through FB posts and emails as I struggled with my miscarriages.

I remember when Beth got pregnant with the twins. It was a miracle. I remember when Beth went into preterm labor very early on and the twins were born at just 24 weeks gestation. Miracle babies.

We left the church and parted ways however like I said before, through the beauty of social media, Beth and I were able to ‘keep in touch’ and follow each other’s lives. And I know she prayed. And she was faithful to always offer up encouragement to me.

Beth is an L&D nurse at our local hospital and when I finally got pregnant with Jackson, I emailed Beth and asked if she was working when I delivered, if she would get me as her patient. That was the plan. However I ended up having a scheduled C-section and Beth was not able to be my nurse. But even still, Beth came to see me on her shift.

I remember her sitting on the side of my bed rejoicing with me over the birth of Jackson. I remember her talking about Charlie and Emilee and how they were doing and growing and starting Kindergarten that year already. I remember us talking about how much deeper of a love that we feel for our kids because of how hard it was to actually get to that point.

When you have struggled with fertility and lost multiple babies through miscarriage, you form unique bonds with those that have had the same journey as you. It’s a ‘weird’ kind of sisterhood. There is an internal “I get you” and “I understand” where you’re coming from.

That is why I think this loss to me seems so much more unfair. I ‘get’ the struggle Beth went through to even conceive her babies. I ‘get’ the feelings and journeys she has taken through the miscarriages she had before the twins.

Now, to 6 years later, have your sweet girl taken from you in such a sudden way? Why God why? I know that this family knows God and loves him deeply. I know that Emilee is healed and in heaven. And that is cause to celebrate.

But I am so completely saddened and frustrated at the same time. Angry a bit for Beth. It isn’t fair. And that is just that. It isn’t fair for anyone to have to experience, but especially her.

As I got on Facebook last night to read all the comments, I found myself getting even more annoyed at all the stupid sayings, political articles being posted, feed your family only organic foods or they will die posts…ect. It just didn’t matter in light of eternity and life at the moment. And I just wanted to scream at everyone. “STOP!”

We (including myself in this statement) get so ‘caught up’ in the HOW TO of life that we forget to actually live. We forget to cherish. We forget to sit on our dog hair covered floors with unfolded piles of laundry on the couch and just play with each other. We forget to always stop striving to ‘save for our retirement’ and just take that trip to Disney world THIS year…now. We aren’t promised our kids will be here next. We forget to stop reading the how to books on child rearing, business building, and bettering our lives, and simply relish each other in the everyday moments.

My life has been thrown into overdrive here lately and I have been grumpy and short with my words. Frustrated at the daily grind. Annoyed over having to work so much. Mad at things and people. Just totally over it.

And as I have been wrestling with myself through this journey that Beth has been on with Emilee, I have been searching my soul intently.  I wept as I put Jackson to bed last night. Rocking him in the dark of his room. Getting frustrated for getting frustrated because it was taking him awhile to settle. I had my Jackson. And I cried for forgiveness. I thanked God I had a baby to rock.

Please continue to pray for the Russell family as these next few weeks unfold for them. I can’t imagine what life looks like for them as they will return home and find all her things in their house where she left them. Her dirty clothes. Toys. End of the year schoolwork. But no Emilee.

And if you have indeed read all the way to the end of this long rant of mine, take a few moments and evaluate your own life. What are you striving for? Live. Don’t be foolish, but don’t forget to live. Cherish. Say I Love You. Kiss. Laugh. Put aside petty things. Do something that isn’t logical. Buy your kids that favorite toy and surprise them with it just to see the look on their face. Because as cliché as it always sounds,” We truly aren’t promised tomorrow with them” .  So be sure to live today.