I realize I have posted and spoken a lot about the different
parenting ideas and ways that are so prevalent today and how so many want to
offer advice on what worked for them as the ONLY sure fire way to raise a kid. And
I will admit, I have allowed the books and the advice of others to dictate my
worth as a mom. That is problem #1. God’s word is the ONLY thing I should be
seeking to discover my worth.
Let me say, to negate all offense taken in my first paragraph
that I love that things work for people. I honestly love the advice I have been
given. I love hearing suggestions and help on things that have helped them
succeed in their parenting. I recognize
and know I have never been a parent and need help from those that have. However, I have been too easily swayed by
taking ‘said advice’ to heart, and when it doesn’t work for me or my child, I
equate that as failure. Not the fault of
the advice giver. But mine.
I should have learned after experiencing three miscarriages
that this journey of child rearing is not something we can control. It is FAR FAR
from it. I could not control with medicine my pregnancies or losses. I wrote many times about releasing my clenched
fists towards Heaven and learning to be thankful. And I am realizing the same lessons I learned during that time also applies to
motherhood.
It dawned on me today, as I ran across a woman’s blog on how
the Babywise method worked for child number #1 but failed for child #2, that I
have been secretly harboring guilt, shame, and a lack of confidence in my mommy
skills because Jackson is not a “Babywise” baby. He is not “The Happiest Baby
on the Block” baby. He is not an “Attachment Parenting” baby. He is not a “Baby
Whisperer” baby.
I have done it all. The schedule, the routine, the swaddle,
unswaddle, cosleep, pick up put down, CIO attempts…ect. And nothing works for
him…nothing. He has a routine; sort of. He has a schedule; some days. And thus my feelings of, “What in the heck am I doing wrong?" have been constantly badgering me.
Well, my answer came to me this evening on my drive home
when God whispered, “Control”. That is what you are doing wrong.
I am trying to control the gift God gave me. Trying to
figure him down to a science of routine and method rather than rejoicing in him
as the individual blessing from God he is to me. He is exhausting. He is
active. He likes what he likes. He has a little temper that I am seeing more
and more come out as he grows and discovers. Does he have his mama wrapped
around his finger already? Yes….and no.
I understand him. I know what he needs as a mom. I am
beginning to see the areas we need to really ‘parent’ him in and the areas we
need to ‘release control of’ and let him blossom on his own in.
And with all this said. I am learning to give myself grace.
To give Jackson time. To take this parenting thing one day at a time. To not
try and run too far ahead of myself or look back and think, “Where did I go
wrong?” …To try and not get frustrated because Jackson isn’t sleeping through
the night yet when it feels like everyone else’s kid is. To be thankful when he
gives me 4 hour stretches of sleep and to be compassionate towards him when he
wakes up at night because he is sick or teething and can’t settle himself down.
To offer him nurture when he needs it even if it is constantly. To take the advice
of others as just advice. Try it. But if it doesn’t work, don’t equate that to
my personal failure as a mother.
So often we look to the advice of others rather than what
God is telling us. I know I can raise my hand to that one lately. Again my own
fault.
I have so many friends and relatives getting ready to
experience the joy of having a baby soon. Like in the next few weeks and months
soon. I realize how judgmental I have
been before my own experience of having a kid. And the only advice I will offer
to others when it comes to ‘parenting’ their precious bundle of joy is this:
learn who your kid is. Read the books, ask for help, but know that you were
given this specific child AND were given the brains to know how to raise and
handle your baby. Whatever method or way you choose to parent is fine. Use what
works for you.
And offer Grace and encouragement and support to others
around you. Being a mommy is the hardest, most exhausting, greatest gift ever
given to me. Remember your child is a
gift. And take each day as it comes. Breathe. Sleep when you can. Take moments
for yourself. Remember to eat and drink. Shower. Pray continuously. And ask God first before asking others. HE
gave you this child on loan. He gave Jackson to me for a reason. He has
equipped me. Have confidence in that.
And let us throw our arms around each other and walk through
this life together. Offering grace and prayers first before advice.
*And to all my friends out there reading this getting ready
to have a baby: if you catch me offering my own advice before a prayer, you
have permission to slap me…in the face….hard. And remind me. J
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